CAN-U-COPE-EA?

You may think I make this stuff up. But dictionary says:

cor·nu·co·pi·a [kawr-nuh-koh-pee-uh, -nyuh-]
noun
1. Classical Mythology. a horn containing food, drink, etc., in endless supply, said to have been a horn of the goat Amalthaea.
2. an abundant, overflowing supply.  
Origin:
1585–95;  < Late Latin,  equivalent to Latin cornū horn  ( see cornu) + cōpiae  of plenty (genitive stem of cōpia ); see copious

Can-u-cope-ea? [kan-u-koh-pee-uh-]
noun
1.  Classical Momology.  a query pertaining to stress, anxiety, and exhaustion in endless supply, said to have been born of twin goats Perfection and Cannotsayno.
Origin:
2011; <American slang, spin-off of a Dirty Harry challenge: “…you've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?”  


The day before the feast of the year.  You’ve got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel stressed? Well, do ya, love?

Emails. Texts. Who brings what? Who brings whom?

The lists begin. 

Clean. Everything. Wash. Everything.

Iron tablecloth. Ignore stains. Search house for linen napkins. Add paper napkins to grocery list.

Cut/assemble Tom Turkey place-card holders and pressed leaf placemats. Let children help.

Depart for Wegmans at 6 am.  Must calm, unhurried citizens hog the left lane?

Search for parking spot. Prepare to battle for last carton of heavy cream.

Wonder. Do the elderly sleep? Do they make their own Thanksgiving feasts? Do they have to dawdle at the front of the line, squeezing avocados and selecting green beans?

Speaking of old people, remember to pick up Granpi Paul.

Speaking of nuts, buy and roast chestnuts for Granpi Paul.  

Rush home. Ignore Karen Carpenter and Shoes-for-a-Dying Mom on every radio station.

Pop popcorn and plan Pilgrim Bingo for 25 second-graders.

Set table with non-matching linens, utensils and dishware that are eclectic, ergo trendy.

Squeeze Tom Turkey place-card holders between goblets and glasses without ruffling feathers.

Select music for guests ages 3-93. Granpi will have to deal with Gaga if he gets Frank and chestnuts.

Engineer two appetizers and four casseroles sharing an oven with a 26 pound bird.

Return to grocery store. Purchase ingredients for appetizers that don't need to bake.

Monitor text threats: "Don't even think of seating me next to him." Move Tom Turkeys.

Make dough. Prepare fruit. Assemble pies.Wash veggies, peel, slice and dice. Refrigerate.

Scrub floors. Sleep till it's dark out. 

Remove slimy giblets from neck of dead bird; do not inhale.

Decide expert recommendations to boil, dice, and add giblets to stuffing are insane. Toss in garbage.

Pluck, brine, rinse, dry, stuff, season, roast, baste, cool, carve. Must a dead bird require so many verbs?

Listen to 89 entertainers lip sync while waiting for Rockettes and Santa.

Accept that man you married actually wants to watch the Dog Show.

Send sneezing child to couch to watch Dog Show with Dad. Not contagious enough to cancel. 

Toss marshmallows over sweet potatoes smothered in butter and brown sugar. It's only one day of the year.

Smile at guests who arrive early: Wine? We were supposed to bring wine? Kids? We were supposed to bring kids? Granpi Paul? We were supposed to bring Granpi Paul?

Is that juice clear, or a little pink? Shoo guests away to watch football. Turn oven temp up.

Find counter space for casseroles, veggies, biscuits, sweet potatoes, corn bread stuffing, mashed potatoes, tomato salad, turkey, gravy and cranberry sauce. Make sure everything is ready and served at the same time. DOUBLE DARE YOU.

Shush guests. Say grace. Accept needling, squabbles, praise, complaints.  Chaos. 

Whip cream. Serve pies. Say goodbyes. 

Clear/wash/dry/mop. 

Sneak last piece of pie. It's not sneaking, you're the MOM.

Ignore all thoughts of six weeks of shopping, rushing, spending, decorating, partying, holiday-carding, mailing, trimming, cleaning, baking, wrapping, hosting and merriment to come; and try to sleep.

CAN-U-COPE-EA?  

Well can you, love?


QUING Hereby Decrees:  Pie, wine, and people we love make it all better.  Keep plenty around you this holiday season!