MATTER

We have a whole lot of gunk in our trunk.

No, not Political Promises.

Or Reality TV shows. 

 

Ancient Plant Debris.

Grasses, leaves, roots and other matter that was food for mammoths during the end of the last ice age.

Organic Debris that's been trapped in icy soil for 30,000 years. When thawed, all this gunk produces carbon dioxide and methane, gases that trap heat and warm the planet. 

Up till now, Permafrost- perennially frozen ground that underlies nearly a quarter of the Northern Hemisphere- has acted as container and stabilizer of these vast amounts of debris that could contain twice as much carbon as our entire atmosphere.

The Pandora's Box of Permafrost is apparently springing leaks. With the planet’s temperature rising, and the Arctic warming twice as fast as scientists predicted, some permafrost has already thawed.  Frozen gunk is melting and breaking down, releasing carbon dioxide. Worse yet, the frozen matter breaking down in lakes or wetlands is generating and releasing methane.
 

Methane. A gas that is especially potent at trapping the sun’s heat.

Methane. A powerful greenhouse gas bursting from bubbles that rise through holes in the surface of frozen lakes.

Scientist Katey M. Walter Anthony has discovered that near Fairbanks, Alaska, methane bubbles so vigorously in spots, it prevents water from freezing. Dr. Walter Anthony dates the carbon molecules within the gas to 30,000 years ago. Carbon discovered from lakes in Siberia is as old as 43,000 years. “It was in the freezer for 30,000 to 40,000 years, and now the freezer door is open,” she says.

Some  experts think the permafrost thaw could take more than a century. Others fear that the breakdown could shift into fast forward as the rapid human release of greenhouse gases continues, and the Arctic tundra warms and dries. Tundra landscape-replete with lichens, mosses and delicate plants- was once too damp to burn, but is now susceptible to wildfires.

Consider: A lightning strike in 2007 burned about 400 square miles of tundra, even though no fire of that scale had occurred in that region for 5,000 years. Wildfires are increasing across much of the tundra and forest regions of Alaska, and extensive burning could lead to a more rapid thaw of permafrost, potentially creating permanent shifts in the landscape. “...the fastest way you’re going to lose permafrost and release permafrost carbon to the atmosphere is increasing fire frequency,” says Michelle C. Mack, a University of Florida scientist. “It’s a rapid and catastrophic way you could completely change everything.” 

Most alarming? All experts seem to agree that once the decomposition of our ancient plant matter begins, it will be impossible to stop.

Edward A. G. Schuur, a University of Florida researcher who has done extensive field work in Alaska, is concerned about the carbon-buried since before the dawn of civilization-that is now escaping. "That’s the fingerprint of a major disruption, and we aren’t going to be able to turn it off someday,” he says.

YEESH. 

The week before Christmas, I read Justin Gillis' article As Permafrost Thaws, Scientists Study the Risks, and added Permafrost to my list of worries. 

I fear ancient matter may be thawing, or more likely, gurgling beneath my basement floor.

It makes sense.

People mistake Buffalo for Alaska, after all.

And from January to March, Buffalonians often feel like our landscape is a frozen tundra.

Except for this year.  This year we have not had a single measurable snowfall.

Get that?

NO SNOW.  Temps in the 40s and 50s.  November. December. January.

Which means that under all the escarpment rock- that's under all the cement of my basement floor- ancient matter is melting; and preparing to ooze up through my floors and gardens, grass and toes.

It's coming for all of us, folks.  Us frozen tundra folks, first. 

So what's a Buffalo Gal to do?

Call Pat Robertson.

Just today he said God told him who the next president of the United States will be. God told Mr. Robertson that only "overwhelming prayer" can bring us a new leader who will stop this country from "disintegrating."

So I figured Pat could ask God how we can keep Permafrost from melting, and Ancient Matter from disintegrating.

Pat would not take my call. 

Because he lives in Virginia.

With all due respect to Mr. Robertson, his refusal to talk to God on this matter is unacceptable. Researchers say the money and scientists devoted to solving the melting matter matter is minimal- compared with the risk to us humans.

Consequently, as Quing, I am taking matter into my own hands, because it appears to me that only trees can save us humans.

Beginning in 2012:

1. Citizens: may no longer roam Christmas tree farms looking for the perfect tree to chop. You must purchase pre-cut trees (trees that spend years growing in a forest, only to be chopped from their ground, and dragged into the house of some nutty woman who will adorn them with too many ornaments made and shipped from carbon belching plastic plants in China. gulp.)

2. Christmas Tree Distributors: Take orders.  From me and your customers. Cutting trees that will never make it into a warm house before they are dumped in the trash is henceforth a felony offense. A tree stands- unless a customer will claim it.

3. Business Owners: are heretofore required to lower their carbon footprint by planting a tree on the land of any homeowner who contacts your place of business and offers you yardage for a tree.

4.  Homeowners: contact Big Businesses and offer them yardage for a tree.

5.  Students: Get a degree in engineering or science. Figure out how to suck up carbon and methane from the atmosphere.

You will make a ton of cash.

And all of humanity shall be forever grateful for your help with this matter.

QUING Hereby Decrees: It's no joking matter. Matter matters!