IMAGES

WOO HOO!

Politicians, their wives, and supporters are hard at work trying to woo female voters.

Lucky, lucky female voters.

We get to be bombarded with words that become images, that become living, breathing vignettes in our girly, creative, right-brained brains.

You first, Governor Romney.  

From The Washington Post on 9/15:  Romney’s pre-taped appearance on “Live!,” hosted by Kelly Ripa and ... Michael Strahan, was part of the candidate’s continuing effort to show his softer side to female voters — a group with whom he is struggling to connect.... bantering with Ripa about his guilty pleasures, (Romney said) that he wears “as little as possible” when he sleeps and that he’s “kind of a Snooki fan. Look how tiny she’s gotten. She’s lost weight."

He hearts peanut butter sandwiches and chocolate milk. He sings on trail rides.

Occasionally Mitt snores, but it's Ann who steals the covers. Fortunately for their marriage, Mitt's biggest pet peeve is tempered by his prime purpose in life: "My life is trying to impress Ann so I make very little out of the fact that she squeezes the toothpaste from the middle."

Ann is duly impressed with her Man Mitt. When asked by Jay Leno whether her husband is  "frugal" or "cheap," Mrs. Romney replied, "Cheap. ..Do you want to know what he does when we leave the house? He turns off the hot water heater."

Naked under the covers. Skinny Snooki. Toothpaste squabbles. Crooning on his stallions and braving cold showers to save cash.

Are you wooed, ladies?

Your turn, Mr. President.

From The View on 9/24: "I told folks I'm just supposed to be eye candy here for you guys," Mr. Obama quips. 

From an interview with CNN’s Jessica Yellin on 9/3: “Sometimes Michelle and I not doing the circuit, going out to dinners with folks is perceived as us being cool — it actually has more to do with us being parents. When we’re in town here in Washington, in the evenings, 6:30 we want to be at the dinner table with our kids, and I want to be helping with the homework and I think that’s sometimes interpreted as me not wanting to be out there slapping backs and wheeling and dealing. It really just has more to do with just the stage we are in our lives.”

From Michele Obama's Democratic Convention Speech on 9/2: "That’s the man who sits down with me and our girls for dinner nearly every night, patiently answering their questions about issues in the news, and strategizing about middle school friendships."

From The New York Times on 9/16: When (actor Damian) Lewis sat next to the president at a state dinner last spring, he said Mr. Obama told him, “While Michelle and the two girls go play tennis on Saturday afternoons, I go in the Oval Office, pretend I’m going to work, and then I switch on ‘Homeland.’"

Eye Candy. Super Dad. Surreptitious fan of Showtime thriller.

Wooed ladies?

Or troubled?

In our 24/7 Entertainment Weekly/Dr. Phil world, we are bombarded with words that become images that become questions.

Consider just a few: What compels serious politicians to answer questions like, "What do you wear to bed?"

Why does the wife of a gazillionaire feel compelled to tell the world her husband is cheap? And does the elderly gazillionaire really watch Jersey Shore enough to notice the weight fluctuations of the stars?

Why is the President of the United States strategizing about middle school friendships instead of Congressional dysfunction? And if he prefers to be at the dinner table with his kids nearly every night, helping with homework, why didn't he wait a decade to campaign for president?

What US President, running for reelection, would ever admit, "I go in the Oval Office, pretend I’m going to work, and then I switch on ‘Homeland.’"

A man who obviously never considered that his private dinner conversation would make news.

But like speeches at private political fundraisers, or sun-bathing on a private balcony, no detail, no image is private anymore.

So what's more distressing, dear Reader? A world full of smart phones that can capture and publish private voice recordings and personal images of public people and politicians? Or politicians pandering to aides and voters who want to see their softer side by divulging thoughts, anecdotes, and images that are far too personal?

Politics is serious business.

Politicians should WOW us, not woo us.

With thoughtful plans and creative leadership

Brain Candy.

QUING Hereby Decrees: Images can ruin images.

BOYS

 

BOYS.

Not like girls.

Wear same t-shirt three times a week.

Answer (grunt) ‘yes’ and ‘no’, if bothering to respond at all.

Play drums non-stop; fingers and palms channeling drumsticks on pans, counter tops, and the flattest surface on pets.

Confuse clutter with order. Messy with neat.

Cannot comprehend the concept of ‘details’, ‘story’, and ‘conversation’. Or that “Mom needs details, stories, and conversation!”

Wash pants with belts intact in loops.

Commandeer all entertainment; selecting sports, action flicks, sports, and replays of sports.

Negotiate Fantasy Football trades as if negotiating Middle East Peace.

Wear out the treads on $247 sneakers in two short weeks.

Cannot comprehend the concept of “Mom misses her girls! Stop arguing! Be nice! Watch a chick flick!”

Never pause. Unless asleep.

Pretend not to worry about their hair. Or anything.

Out-loud low flying 747s.

Eschew drama. Unless it's their drama.

Drink milk by the gallon. By the sitting.

Never admit defeat to stain stick.

Cannot comprehend the concept of napkin on lap. Or six cookies is plenty.

Pay attention to commands, but only those that include threat of death or loss of texting instrument.

Occasionally redeem themselves.

Like today.

When they saw tears and offered cheeks.

Like tonight.

When they named their male puppy’s stuffed “play partners” Darla Sue and Tammy Jo.

After Daddy’s high school girlfriends. 

Boys.

Brilliant.

QUING Hereby Decrees: Boys are (literally, figuratively, and every other -ly) the BOMB. They may stay.

CROAK

TGIF!  Let's meander into politics for a sentence or two.

Or twenty.

FACT: I  make all the rules and decisions in The Quingdom.

But I have a very soft spot in my heart for democracy.

The free and equal right of every citizen to participate in a system of government is intriguing. In theory.

But too often flawed and messy. In practice.

I tried democracy. Cast many a vote.

Every election year, Interim or Outerim - I watched conventions, listened to speeches, hunted for the truth beneath the same-old-same-old non-truths.

Then I pulled the curtain on my voting booth and cast my ballot for the Underdog.

I like Underdogs. They're scrappy. And they work and fight harder than Overdogs. 

Rest assured, dear Reader, I am a very serious individual. I take the privileges of citizenship quite seriously, monitoring the decisions, rhetoric, and arithmetic of elected officials quite carefully - be they red-hued or blue.

You will thus find it shocking to learn that this Election Year, I have TUNED OUT on politics in the USA.

If the voice of a politician or pundit drifts within earshot, I instinctively clasp my hands over my ears and break into a too-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-une like Jagger: "I can't get no ( ba-da-da-dum) satisfaction. I can't get no...."   

FACT: It is ridiculous for elected or hoping-to-be-elected officials to contend that this is the most important election in modern history. Again.

Or that He/She/It is the Agent of Change. Hope.

Or that citizens should be afraid, very, very afraid of the other Guy/Gal/Party.

Guess what, Politicians and Pundits?

You can't scare me.

Political paralysis catapulting America off a "fiscal cliff?" Pfff.  My kid almost skipped into the Grand Canyon when he was six years old. Cliffs are for babies.

The prospect of another war erupting over Iran's nuclear program? Pfff.  Come up with something snazzier. Like WMD's. 

Bazillionaires becoming Gazillionaires as the middle class disappears? Someone has to pay the high price of cloning and space travel.

Minimal job growth and high unemployment? Pfff.  It will get better. It always gets better. Bill Clinton said so. 

The 47% becoming The 67% with Four More Years of growing government? Pfff.  Bad arithmetic. Ditto Bill Clinton said so.

So go ahead, Politicians and Pundits, sit back in your chairs and Make My Day.

Chatter on about even more critical crises: Medicare, Medicaid, Social Security, Gun Control, Women's Health Issues, Marriage. On and on and on.

You can't scare me.

Because I am already on Terror Overload.

Because of this.

 

And this. 

 

Enormous frogs that cannot find water.

Acres of grass so brown and dehydrated they have been mowed only twice from spring to fall. 

Maple trees dropping their leaves as hydrangeas begin to bloom. During the first week of September.

Western New York's summer has been the warmest in 142 years of record-keeping. The driest in 76 years.

 

Check out this spider and laugh at me, Southwesterners. But understand that the spiders I usually shoo out of our house are pencil-eraser tiny.

Spiders don't scare you? Reach into your basement to grab a can of paint (like I did yesterday). Discover a foot long snake coiled up on a rusty lid, eyeballing and pink-tongue hissing a warning:"Keep your distance, girl." 

 Heat-n-drought driven spiders and snakes don't frighten? Consider a sudden freaky population boom among bats, mosquitoes, rats, and raccoons. In my backyard. Have you seen my hair, dear Reader? It is Bat Haven.  I can no longer leave the castle at dusk.

Does your wallet alarm you? Step into your local grocery store. Discover that beef, chicken, dairy, and produce have doubled in price.

Or, Google Earth your city, state, country, world.  Discover dust bowl conditions, floods, and wildfires. Discover the Arctic ice cap melted to its lowest level on record. Dark seawater has replaced white ice, absorbing - rather than reflecting - more of the sun’s heat, accelerating global warming. This loss of Arctic ice is the “equivalent of about 20 years of additional carbon dioxide being added by man,” says Peter Wadhams, a professor of ocean physics at the University of Cambridge.

"It is a greater change than we could even imagine 20 years ago, even 10 years ago," reports the  International Director of the Norwegian Polar Institute, Kim Holmen. "And it has taken us by surprise and we must adjust our understanding of the system and we must adjust our science and we must adjust our feelings for the nature around us."

We could also adjust our politics. In democracies and beyond.

Until the Democratic Convention, President Obama did not discuss climate change with the country, even as scientists definitively linked the extreme weather events of this past year to global warming.

Governor Romney scoffed at the idea of healing the planet in his speech at the Republican National Convention. "Four years ago, President Obama promised to begin slowing the rise of the oceans..." he said. “My promise is to help you and your family.”

CONSIDER: You are living your final day on this earth. What are you most concerned about for the loved ones you leave behind?

Relationships? Can be healed.

Deficits? Can be reduced.

Entitlement programs and taxes? Can be reformed.

Mother Nature? Planet Earth? If there is still time to heal, we must reduce and reform.

Politicians and Pundits! This may be the most important challenge in modern history. 

TUNE IN.

QUING Hereby Decrees: Look to poets, rather than pundits for the truth:

Mark Twain: "Politicians are like diapers; they need to be changed often, and for the same reason."

e e cummings:  " A politician is an arse which everyone has sat except a man."